No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
