Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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