i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
