We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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