Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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