i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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