tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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