seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
