she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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