He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize