just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
