What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
