i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
