no, he came in my armpit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize