haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How does it feel to date your dad?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
