I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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