Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
