dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
