Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
