New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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