Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
