Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
