Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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