I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
