he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
