ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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