Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"