I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.