Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back