I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...