What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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