I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
