Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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