We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
