I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it because I queefed?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
