pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
