he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
