Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my sisters under your porch take her home
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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