So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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