I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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