i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
