I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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