oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
