We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
