I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
