i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
