apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
