I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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