I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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