in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
