I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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