I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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