8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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