K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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