can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
