yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
