Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
