You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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