I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
