Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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