ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
