Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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