in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
