just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
