I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
