She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
