Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
