Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
