make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
