She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
