That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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