I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
