Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
