Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
