Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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