Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
