i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
