is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she smelled like a LAN party
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
