I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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