Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
