I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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