dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
