I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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